When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize