as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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