Kareoke will never be a sober sport
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
