get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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