I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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