take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize