I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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