I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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