the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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