Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
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I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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