Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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