Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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