im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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