I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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