you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
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I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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