Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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