there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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