I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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