I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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