After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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