he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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