Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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