At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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