she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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