just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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