belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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