You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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