shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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