Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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