My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize