her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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