you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize