Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize