Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize