I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize