i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize