At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize