bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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