She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize