I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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