every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
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Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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