My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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