im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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