She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So many bounce houses so little time
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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