if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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