I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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