whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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