fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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