yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize