If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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