I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
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Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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